Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Warning to readers: I swear I'm not always the cynical, negative person I may come across in this blog. (Or at least I don't think I am). Please excuse the fact that this post and many others may just seem like a whiny bitch whining. I'm hoping it will be therapeutic, and help to unload some of the stress I feel overloaded with.

I can't figure out why but the last two weeks have been overwhelmingly stressful for me. Every day my to-do list gets longer, and all of the  things I've listed to do for the day before carry onto the next day's list. I'm not exaggerating. Right now I'm only getting the bare minimum done. You know when you get behind on stuff and you can't catch up? Every day you try to catch up, but you end up neglecting something else. That combines with  the assignments and things  that continue to be assigned, leaving you stuck with too much to do and unable to move forward. I still have things I planned on doing last week that I need to get done.

I know; it's typical for me to stress out and sweat the small stuff. I know that I take 3 times as long as everyone else to get work done . My dad the psychiatrist (no he really is) says I'm ADD and need meds so that I can relax and focus. I'm thinking some Adderall sounds pretty great right about now.

I'd really just like to get out of this funk. I feel sick to my stomach and crave comfort food and christian music. Anything to make me feel upbeat and positive!

On Sunday, my roommate and I tried to go to church, especially because I was feeling overwhelmed/frustrated/insert negative word here. Of course, when we  finally got ourselves together, we were running late (a recurring theme in my life that I vow to fix this semester because I hate this about myself). So I sped and drove  all the way down I-35 to Tecumseh, just to pull into the parking lot and realize that the 5:30 service changed campuses. We were too late to drive all the way to the other campus so we just went home. I asked her to bring her iPod so we could scream and yell with the windows down on the way there. She said she could tell the stress was getting to me.

Then there's all the stuff that's happening to the people around me. My step-mom Liz turned 50 today. Today her daughter went into emergency surgery  what she thought was a pimple has caused her face to swell to something unrecognizable.  The doctors said they needed to drain the fluid in her face out. They think she has a staph infection.

Graphic pic below.

Stephanie, my step-sis, on Monday.
She had surgery today.Too graphic? She'd kill me if
she knew about this.

Me and Stephanie on a ferry in Canada. The only other country I've visited. Circa 1999. She hates this picture.

Stephanie on a normal day.
Liz's dog of 14 years, a golden retriever named Maggie, who gives you her paw when you say "shake" and runs into your bedroom when its thundering outside, has cancer and is going to have to be put to sleep. She told me all of this today. On her birthday. I don't have pictures of Maggie on this computer or I'd show you how cute she is.

My mom also called me tonight and told me that my aunt found a lump on her breast, and my grandpa who's had leukemia and more recently melanoma, has a suspicious spot on his liver. This week a friend from high school lost his dad because a woman he worked with "saw a sign from God to shoot him." He had worked with her for 13 years. He walked into her office at work in suburban Carrolton, TX and she shot him. He was an exterminator and he had three kids.

All this crap I've been feeling the last two weeks feels really stupid and insignificant compared to what the people around me are dealing with. I'll really try to stop complaining about my life now.

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